I'll Never Know the Answers
by JumpingTheMoon
Summary: Genderswap AU short-stories and flash fiction. Written on an impulse, uploaded on a whim to prove I'm not dead. Chapter 2: A beach trip that totally wasn't a big waste of time.
1. Holding Himself Back

Trying to predict what Haruki was going to do is exactly like predicting the weather. You can study for years and become an expert in weather stuff, and you can get really good at predicting it, and get a lot of experience trying to figure it out, but at the end of the day, you can't say for _sure_ whether it's going to rain or not on Tuesday. That's what it's like trying to guess whether Haruki's going to do Stupid Thing A, Stupid Thing B, sexually harass Asahina-senpai, just yell at me a lot, or fail to show up at all.

_Or_, of course, all of the above. Aside from the last one. Or maybe including that, who knows? All of this was just to say that I wasn't exactly shocked when he burst into the club room last Tuesday, uncharacteristically late, and just announced that he was going to take Itsuki and Asahina-senpai on an adventure. Or something. I think it involved searching for an 'alien bride'... if only you knew. Anyhow, that sucked for Asahina-senpai, who was visibly resolving himself to whatever new torment they were going to come up with for him, but... and I know this is selfish... it left me in the clubhouse to relax.

Sorry, senpai, but this is way preferable to running around town looking for, uh. Whatever. And of course finding nothing, because only an idiot like Haruki would expect you to just go out and find strange things, not tell you anything about what a strange thing really even was, and then yell at you for your failure... hmph. Uh, anyhow. The point of all that was that it was just me in the clubhouse today, touching up the SOS Brigade's website yet again...

And uploading the latest 'album' of delicious pictures, sorry again senpai...

While, across the big table, Nagato sat silently, reading like he always was. It was rare to see him do anything else... in fact, it used to be easy to lose him or just assume he was part of the furniture of whatever. He rarely interfered in anything or even showed he noticed the world around him existed, although I knew that wasn't the case now. After everything that had happened, I dunno. I felt better having him around usually. Things had gotten way, way more weird and dangerous than I was used to, but he would protect me.

Or just oblige me if I wanted to play against somebody in the games we acquired from the computer club. I have to admit, I've been losing a lot of time to them... especially strategy games, a genre I hadn't even considered until this year. Maybe everybody just had a natural desire to build a fleet ad crush their enemies. Anyhow, it was all done in spare time... not that there was any shortage of that. Even Haruki, master of pointless impulses and desires, couldn't quite manage to soak up all of our collective time.

Try as he might.

Whoa, even by my standards I'm getting a bit on the ramble-y side today, sorry. I'm just working my way up to explaining why I often found myself facing Nagato across a great battlefield! Or in this case, a star map. When we first started playing together I'd kind of expected to lose every match, and at first it was pretty brutal, but I got the hang of it, and fast. I ended up beating him about as often as he beat me! Not bad, huh?

Especially when you consider the fact that, as I've been reminded many, many times lately, I'm j_ust an ordinary human_. Whereas Nagato here is made of data. Or he's a humanoid interface data thing. The point is, he's super smart and he's like, probably made of the same stuff as video games and computer codes. I tried to ask him once. Rather than keep it a secret, he told me in agonizing detail and I didn't retrain a word of it. But he's definitely beyond what a normal human could do. Plus, I've seen him type ultra-fast too. Probably to keep up with that big brain.

So at first I didn't really question how this was possible, but you at home are probably already thinking about it now that I've brought it up. How the heck did Nagato ever lose, _ever_? I mean, not to put myself down, but how exactly was I getting the better of him?

If this was another person I'd probably never ask that, but with him... I could at least speak up about it. "Nagato, uh." It took a moment to come up with a way to ask this that wouldn't be insulting. Why would that matter with a robot alien boy, you might ask? It just does. "Can I ask something?"

He didn't say 'no', or react in any manner whatsoever, or even look away from his screen or stop tying. If this were a normal guy I was dealing with, I'd assume he was ignoring me.

"You're like an alien data interface super thing, and you did all that amazing stuff when Asakura attacked me, and you type like ultra-fast and know lots of stuff, so..." I threw up my hands. "Uh, how is it possible for you to lose at a _video game_?" Even a complicated one.

My response was complete silence. I let out a sigh, but before I could go back to my own monitor, he spoke up. His voice was completely flat and monotone, and rather deep, you know, the usual. "Video games involve as much social interaction as they do skill or memorization challenge."

"Huh?" Oh. It took me a moment or two, but I realized what he was saying. My face probably got just a bit red, too. It was the obvious answer, after all. "Ah. So you're just, you know. Not doing your best on purpose." Holding back. Maybe even throwing the game.

"Correct." Damnit, Nagato, it was so obvious in hindsight but that still hurts to have a boy just say it so matter-of-fact.

Without looking over at me, he noticed my reaction, and even the expression that I wasn't doing a very good job covering up.

"Humans do not cope well with constantly failing at a task, even a game. I must be able to minimize any reactions, especially negative reactions, that could be provoked from Suzumiya Haruki." Right, right. Itsuko went over that, we'd all seen it... even something as dumb as beating Haruki in those group games he makes us play might, like, destroy the universe or something. Plus it helped him disguise himself if he wasn't perfect in every way, right?

It was definitely nothing personal, and taking it like that was dumb too. "Ah, right. You're just using me to practice for 'acting human' in front of Haruki, right?" I forced a laugh, and it sounded like forced laughs usually did; forced and uncomfortable.

"Incorrect." Nagato's typing stopped for half a second, and then resumed. I couldn't clearly see his face over his monitor. "Social activity with you serves multiple purposes."

Huh. That was something I'd never heard before out of him. "Uh, thanks." Was that his way of trying to comfort me? Well, it's the thought that counts, right? Maybe he just doesn't want me to get upset because then he'd have nobody else to play against except Haruki. The others aren't really big into games.

Whatever. If it's a choice between dealing with an alien trying to be social and... Haruki, I know which one I'd prefer. Sheesh.

"Uh, you too."

Oh, yeah. I'm sure he was impressed with my smooth conversational skills.


	2. Summary Artcle 001

A personal account of the events of the S.O.S. Brigade's summer vacation activities has been requested by Brigade Chairman Haruki Suzumiya for the website, and so I will provide one to the best of my ability to communicate via textual representation of written language. Certain aspects of the data cannot be conveyed in this manner and must be condensed or omitted. Certain aspects of the data would also cause profound negative impact upon Kyon and must be omitted. Otherwise, I will provide an account now.

Discrete events are defined here as non-repeating non-trivial events or activities engaged upon by the S.O.S. Brigade during the summer. Beginning description of event one, which occurred on Day 1A8.

As agreed upon during the previous day's regular meeting, the Brigade convened at the beachfront today, meeting at 9:13 A.M. local time. The first person to arrive was Haruki Suzumiya. The last person to arrive was Kyon. Both of these events conform to observed trends for at least eighty percent of all brigade activities. The argument between them lasted nine minutes, the average duration of all such arguments, before Kyon agreed to pay for the snacks today.

I made sure to place a note into her wallet to ameliorate the financial difficulty and proceeded to order several snacks alongside the others. Mitsuru Asahina did not order anything. All other brigade members ordered between one and three items. Enjoyment of the treats, food, and drinks proceeded for twenty-four minutes.

Haruki Suzumiya proceeded to brief the members of the brigade on their mission today. He instructed us to watch out for supernatural events or people on the beachfront. For the purposes of the investigaton, supernatural is defined as non-typical abilities or characteristics outside of conventionally-accepted possible human norms. As it was an increasingly popular place to go for recreational purposes, he theorized the beach would attract aliens, time travelers, and espers as well. He particularly suggested attempting to locate a supernatural bride for him. The argument about this statement between Suzumiya Haruki and Kyon went for a mere four minutes before the group broke up to investigate separately.

I patrolled the beachfront along the areas most frequented by people at this early time, monitoring air temperature and pressure, weather patterns, the tides, and the number and present activities of all people within visual range. My investigation alone was interrupted after twenty-eight minutes by Kyon approaching me to engage in discussion. I was able to continue to gather relevant data while speaking with Kyon.

Data gathered from Kyon indicated a state of moderate agitation and excitement. Her heart rate was elevated compared to benchmark norms of operation previously observed and her social mannerisms were nonstandard. I theorized at the time, and still theorize, that alterations in behavior and heart rate were in part or in whole caused by the fact that she and I were both wearing conventional modern swimwear. I was wearing swimming trunks in a Light Blue Koi color, designation #659EC7. She was wearing a one-piece school swimsuit, color designation #357EC7. The swimsuit's fit was determined compared to her body size and measurements but that data was discarded at Kyon's request and is not available.

Kyon's eyes were on my face sixty-two percent of the time, and elsewhere on my body for twenty-five percent of the time. The remaining time in the conversation, her eyes were averted in the direction of the water. On three occasions, she stopped conversation procedures to observe events occurring in the water: A man attempting to surf on a low wave and falling off of his board, a large family with several children happily playing in the water, and Itsuko Koizumi floating face-up in the water in a neutrally buoyant state. These events provoked emotional and behavioral reactions consistent with, in order, amusement, heartfelt happiness, and jealousy.

Theorization regarding the source of a jealous reaction towards Itsuko Koizumi has been terminated due to the potential for a negative emotional reaction from Kyon when he contents of this article will be read by her. Mention of this will be maintained in order to demonstrate good faith and honesty in attempts to report the events of the day's activity. A reminder that no data observations or recollections are meant to cause emotional turmoil or difficulty to any single person is also included here for archival purposes.

The conversation between myself and Kyon lasted for well over half of an hour, depending on whether certain blocks of non-conversing time are considered where we occupied the same physical space and attempted to walk in formation up the beach. The conversation topic began with Haruki Suzumiya but other topics were suggested quickly in an attempt to diffuse emotional tension. This attempt was mostly successful. A complete list of conversational topics will not be included to serve the interests of brevity.

The members of the S.O.S. Brigade spent the morning searching the beach, and at lunchtime, was recalled to the beachside café by Suzumiya Haruki to report. No brigade member, myself included, reported any sign of supernatural activity. This failure did not in any way negatively affect Suzumiya Haruki, who insisted that Mitsuru Asahina pay for lunch for the entire brigade. He was able to, despite negative emotional reactions. His fearful reaction and obedience to Suzumiya Haruki was greater than his attempt to assert autonomy.

In return for this, Mitsuru Asahina was allowed to put on regular swim trunks rather than the outfit originally insisted upon by Suzumiya Haruki, a garment classified typically as a speedo. It is theorized that one reason for this allowance was that a large number of beachfront photographs of Mitsuru Asahina had already been obtained and thus no more were required.

After lunch had concluded, the Brigade again broke up into individual members in the search for any sign of paranormal events or people on the beach. As with every such attempt at a search in the history of the S.O.S. Brigade, no success was reported by any member. My own attempts to gather any data that fell outside of possible human norms from anybody within visual or audio range were complete failures.

However, as with many brigade activities, the gathering was observed to serve more roles than the one officially designated to it. Multiple orders for food were placed and the group ate together, serving social needs, and being at the beach itself had an apparent strong positive impact on the mood of each member of the brigade, except myself. Each member apparently enjoyed the weather conditions and water, as well as other, more personal aspects, such as male attention given to Itsuko Koizumi or the lack of sexual harassment suffered by Mitsuru Asahina.

In my studies of literature I have come upon a quote which may help to encapsulate a summary of the trip to the beach upon which I have been asked to report. _"The journey was more meaningful than the destination."_ The continuing ability of the group to derive multiple levels of utility from a seemingly worthless activity with no practical value is of interest to me.

While the current state of this summary omits aspects of the data as well as occurrences during the trip, none of the omitted data was determined to be significant on a measure of likely relevance or applicability to the intended readers of this article, or members of the brigade. The only other event of note that occurred before the group was dismissed before dinner time in the evening was an incident in which Kyon encountered difficulty swimming amidst the waves near the beach and required assistance to escape. She was not seriously endangered by this due to the quick actions of Suzumiya Haruki, who is trained in the proper application of cardiopulmonary resuscitation if necessary.

I have been asked not to report further specifics of this incident and will comply to prevent negative emotional consequences or reactions from brigade members.

Kyon was the first member to leave the scene of the activity, refusing to pay for dinner despite assurances from me that she would be compensated at a later date and in secret. Haruki Suzumiya threatened possible negative consequences for this act of insubordination, but this did not effectively deter her actions. I have since observed him speaking of or displaying several shady costumes that he purchased from internet vendors that were sized according to Kyon's physical measurements and specifications.

In order to comply with social norms and standards, I was unable to read for any significant amounts of time during the course of the daylight hours because of the activities mentioned above. However, different kinds of data were gathered and it was determined to have some merit, partially compensating this wasted opportunity.

This will conclude my reduced summary of the events of the S.O.S. Brigade beach trip. Accompanying appropriate as well as inappropriate images of brigade members during the activity will be added to the article when it is posted on the group website or elsewhere.


End file.
